they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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