Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Randomize
