i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I pour the whiskey from now on
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
