i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
