I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
only you would photoshop your dick
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
My dick has a subreddit
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
