Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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