Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Randomize
