you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
