I will die if light touches me.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
