I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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