did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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