I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
