This girl is more easily done than said...
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Randomize
