i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
