I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Randomize
