why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
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