So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize
