Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Randomize
