i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
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