I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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