I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
