a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
