can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Randomize
