I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
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