awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
time to smoke my breakfast
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
I need to align my fucking chakras
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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