a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
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