Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
