i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Randomize
