Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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