my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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