Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
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