you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
I just found puke in my bra..
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
