There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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