One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
