he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
God, I missed his penis.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
