community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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