Jerry, you need to find god
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
