hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
