Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
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