I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Randomize
