so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize
