You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
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