i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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