You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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