Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
