that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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