I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
