I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Hello my rib-scented angel!
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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