There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
