just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Randomize
